


Unorthodox

by moonlightnemi



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Enigmatic Andrew Ilnyckyj, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Steven's inner thought messing with him, Thought Projection, midnight thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24804655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightnemi/pseuds/moonlightnemi
Summary: Steven found himself bewildered, and Andrew still was an enigma.
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Unorthodox

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posting, so if there's any fatal mistakes in grammar or anything pardon me. Just want to bring justice to our worth it babies since i miss them so fucking much it hurts :) 
> 
> And dedicated as well to my very own idiot best friend @geudaection on twt.
> 
> final installment.

* * *

It had begun in the middle of cold june when Steven managed to sustain his grade stable to last semester of his college period when he was back being reminded of Andrew. Andrew Ilnyckyj, His very old best friend. The numerous layers of covered personality, much like manufactured, likely to refer himself as an enigmatic box Steven had been trying to solve by gathering, piling up, and drawing conclusions from some contingent facts about him.

He sometimes woken up by midnight. Something interrupted him, taunting his mind. Sometimes he didn't sleep at all after completed the task his mentor designated to him near dawn. His mind wandering, walked and walked and kept walking to some unfamiliar territory in his part of mind that he didn't quite understand why it existed in the first place.

Andrew Ilnyckyj. It stopped there. as if his mind had stopped buzzing and wandering, instead falling onto an unopened folder where there was a name etched by permanent ink to the wooden locked shelf. He carefully touched the handle, feeling his hand a bit shaken in his head. The scenario he was playing making his hands also flee to the air, with index fingers aroused, pointing at empty air to the specks of dust on the ceiling.

_**"I don't really like being at home. Everything seems so bleak and sad. But my mom- She was alone."** _

_Steven gazed at Andrew who were piercing through the blanket of leaves. He painted a meek smile at how andrew looked beyond magnificent with sunlight illuminating his face, but the latter didn't seem so excited about it. Steven continued to listen as andrew let out an exasperating sigh._

_**"i thought that running away from there was a fatal dead-end decision, but I think about it years later. nothing has changed. Everything is still the same. The house is still there, in the T line of our little town. Mother is still alone and sad. then i just realized that mother has always been alone,-"** _

_Andrew paused between his words and turned his head toward him. for quick seconds, Steven felt his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't drew well what was the meaning of such demeanor, the depth of his gaze, and something that prevent him to throw any commentary; Steven found himself bewildered._

_**"—And that whether or not my existence is important around my mother, she would still feel alone nevertheless**_."

Enigma.

What is an Enigma? Steven wasn't entirely convinced that Andrew's figure was only referred to be an empty enigmatic box that highly lacked the ability of conveying his emotions in a proper or brutally honest way. Steven knew, deeply that Andrew was a man who would open himself if he believed and wanted himself to be. He had reasonable amount of experienced knowing him, and to dive within him again after several years of parted ways, Steven didn't think it would be easy. Sure, he knew few friends of Andrew who happened to be his acquaintance as well. Take example: Adam Bianchi. He was almost the copycat of andrew but molded in different body and different response in social interaction.

God, Steven was so dazzled by how Adam could behave willingly calm and brought relaxing vibe with him whenever he went, the little opposite of what Andrew resonating.

Steven muffled words. Words between him and Andrew they were oftenly joked about. He frankly missed it, some particular events where they'd march around downtown on weekdays night but never met each other on fridays'. Andrew had reason. And so was him, as much as he could remember despite spending pathetic friday night doing vast reading.

They were a transfixed weird duo in high school where people wouldn't know that they could potentially murder each other and die in one of bathroom stall in broad daylight.

But, that was the essence. The warm reassurance both of them offered to each other.

Steven pushed his mind further to it's brink for the sake of painful nostalgia, till it did bring him some of moments of which turned out to be very ambiguous and obscure to think it furthermore.

Steven kept digging.

_One of them, was when Andrew and Steven plopped down on top of each other on the couch, half drunk with heavy head that feels like an abundance of big stone. Strangely, Andrew laughed out loud. Laughing at something that steven didn't remember. Maybe the joke he didn't get earlier._

_**"Hey that was funny."** _

_**"What funny?"** _

_**"The way you laugh."** _

_Steven gasped. He blinked several times, trying to make himself aware that Andrew wasn't mumbling his nonsense right now._

**_"When?"_ **

**_"Back then at the club."_ ** _Andrew smiled. When he smiled, his cheekbones were raised charmingly. **"You were such a delight, Steven. Well maybe, you are."**_

**_"Thanks, man."_ **

_There was silence that alternating between the rhythm of their breath._

_**"I'm too drunk for this,"** Andrew replied, tried to uplift his body but ended up falling onto the couch again. Steven chuckled, accompanied by Andrew's frowning face. _

**_"So? Sit down Andrew. You're not going anywhere. Not now. Not until-ugh- until the hangover comes."_ **

_After that nothing came in reply, but Andrew had began his habit of throwing blank stares at the ceiling of their room. As if penetrating and staring at something behind layers of solid roofs._

**_"Have you ever wondered, steven?_** "

_Steven followed Andrew's gaze to an unknown route. They talked without looking at each other's faces, and honestly Steven preferred this way._

" ** _That i, deep down, is something you are not fully capable to understand?"_**

_Steven at that time could only respond with a hard swallow and feeling something burning in his chest, though the outlet was only small hum of laugh, but present steven who now regretting the irony why he wasted such irreplaceable opportunity to know the figure of Andrew behind the mask of Andrew who seemingly like to hide from him, cried._

_**"I don't want to venture directly to that."** Steven shook his head lightly, vision still as blurred as water being whirled purposely, saying **"You will tell me, eventually. Whether it's tomorrow or next year or the next year after that. Andrew ilnyckyj will still be the Andrew Ilnyckyj i know"**_

In fact, that wasn't always the case.

Andrew Ilnyckyj, someone who was the metaphoric projection of undeniable lies and truth combined, hadn't changed. even after four years of being together to the point where three months ago - between the substance of time that Steven hadn't noticed Andrew had disappeared. Total disappearance where he didn't- couldn't see any silhouette of Andrew in places they usually hung out, or in any sound he could hear between the walls, without any whispers, nor any slow thud of his tip-toeing shoes, without news and without traces to follow.

Steven felt like he failed himself, between time when he was too busy dealing with his college stuff he had to finish from summer to the next spring, though it did finished perfectly. But he hadn't thought that he'd lose his closest friend- Andrew along the way.

Was turning his back for awhile primarily wrong?

Ruffling through every single meaning he'd digged down that night, he took one that contained as brief conclusion: That if Andrew Ilnyckyj was indeed a form of enigmatic demeanor, personality, spiralling in his past and he himself did not deny it, why should Steven?

Before shutting his eyes and letting the breeze seeping from outside his opened bedroom window leading him to his sleep, Steven prayed for Andrew's safety. Wherever he was, as the man himself said, they'd always be friends who weren't bound by any fool rules people tend to exclaim when it comes to taking care the ones they love the most.

Steven still felt afraid of losing Andrew on the tips of his bones, but he knew that deep down he never had Andrew Ilnyckyj fully in his grasp either.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it :)


End file.
